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Dates and First Meeting: Who Should Pay?

Description: Who should be the one to pay on dates and/or when traveling to meet one another in person?

Categories: Dating, Pen Pals, Friends: Member Surveys
This Post has been viewed 17644 times.
Submitted by: Nannette | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 3/23/2003

We asked our members these questions:

Dating: Should the man always pay? Or should they share expenses until the relationship gets serious? Should the man take over paying after the relationship gets serious?

Meeting: If both agree to have one person travel to meet the other, should both share in the expenses, or only the one traveling? While there, who should pay for expenses of meals? The host or guest?


Female - Age Range: 21-30
I think it is fair to share expenses. Keeping in mind the financial liberty each person has. If expenses aren't shared the host should definatly take care of entertainment costs.

Female - Age Range: 31-40
I believe the person who does the intial asking should pay in the suitation of the first few dates. These circumstances are unique depending on the type of relationship you have. One needs to take into account the other person's finanicial situation. I don't think it is fair to expect one person to pay all the time. Paying for dinner and a night out is always a nice treat for the man. The man pays was a tradition that was accepted before woman equality and independence were acheived. Women today have financial stability and job security, therefore women should pay for things, too. Many of these hard fast rules of what is accepted socially are being cast aside. For example, The Wedding, who pays. It is no longer the bride's family responsiblity to pay for everything. One reason for this is expense. It would be a large financial burden on many families to incurr the cost of a wedding and if you have more than 1 daughter, imagine the cost.

If someone decides to meet someone and there are travel expenses, I would not expect the other person to pay unless they offered freely. While there I think meals and expenses should be shared. Of course this also needs to be discussed prior to the trip. Many agruements can be avioded if people simply would communicate openly and honestly with each,

Female - Age Range: 31-40
Whoever asks the other one out should pay. Or they can agree to go Dutch. This is something that should be discussed and agreed to prior to going out. I do not believe that it should be an issue. Dating is about getting to know someone, to see whether or not there could be something more between the two people.

When the relationship becomes serious, both should pay. Expenses should be shared. When you are married you share expenses. So why not start practicing now.

If both agree to have one-person travel to meet the other, the one traveling should pay for the travel expenses. Of course it is important to know who can afford it. The one who can afford to travel should be the one to travel to meet the other. As far as expenses incurred while there, the one who traveled should pay for his or her own personal expenses. As far as entertainment, the guest should pay. If the guest knows how to cook, he or she can save a lot of money by inviting their guest over for dinner.

Female - Age Range: 31-40
From my own cultural orientation, men should pay for whatever expenses are incurred on a date. It would be absolutely embarassing to a man if a woman indicates that she wants to pay for anything. She would consider him very stingy if he does ask for her financial contribution. Men should pay !

Female - Age Range: 31-40
I believe that the men should pay. Women get paid less then men.

albedo: Female - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias.
With my own experience, for several reasons, he paid for his own trip here to visit me. He originally came from my home town, so his trip back was to visit me as well as his family. He also makes more than twice what I make. While here, when we went out to dinner, we pre-arranged who was paying for special dinners out. I treated him sometimes, and he treated me. He was here on my 40th birthday and treated me very generously with presents and a luxurious restaurant that I could never afford. I, in turn, fed him several meals at my house during his two week stay (he boarded at his brothers house) and he used my car(although he did pitch in for gas sometimes as well).

I believe, as with all other communication, money matters should be discussed and open, giving consideration of the other person's circumstances, abilities and feelings. Some men feel it is their position as men to pay and would feel very uncomfortable having a woman pay for his meal or ticket. Some women would feel very uncared for if they were asked to split certain costs (especially his travelling to see her, if he makes more money). On the other hand, some women would feel more independent being responsible for their own expenses, or sharing the costs of a shared experience.

The key is communication and open honesty. If you are considering making that move, don't be shy ... ask, 'How shall we do this? What would make you most comfortable?'. If each is being a servant of the other, as we should in an equally-yoked relationship, then I think a giving question like this should be the first move.

Female - Age Range: 41-50
I've always believed that expenses should be shared in most cases. Although I can think of a few exceptions to that. If one person has the financial means, and the other is struggling financially, then I think it would be appropriate for the one with more money to contribute more, if that's comfortable for both parties. Last summer, I paid the airfare for a male friend to come see me several times, because he couldn't afford it. However, in exchange, he repaired my car, Sea Doo, lawn mower, etc. I thought it was fair, because it would have cost me more if I would have taken them to a shop. We had a great time together, and I liked him a lot, and he felt the same. But when I had nothing left to fix, I couldn't afford to keep buying airline tickets. He also grew to expect me to buy all the food, gas, groceries, etc. I'm generous, but not a sucker. I stopped 'popping' and he stopped coming to see me. In the past, when I dated, the guy would buy one date, and I would buy the next one. Anything less is taking advantage of someone. Another reason I paid is because a lot of guys think that if they spend money on a female, then she owes him something. Wrong!! Anyway, the dating issue is not a huge problem anymore. I have kids now, and most men think that is worse than lepercy.

Female - Age Range: 51-60
I think the two parties corresponding should settle that issue between them before they meet to do anything together. Some of us may not have the finances to do much, but that can be discussed between the parties. I, personally, like the idea of the name paying, at least at first.

Female - Age Range: 61-70
My generation was very traditional in courtship. The man would ask out the lady and pay for the date. If they began to see each other often, then it was nice if the lady would invite to dinner, a concert, etc. and pay. I think the same thing generally applies today. Neither one likes to be taken advantage of. It is nice to graciously give and receive.

Female - Age Range: 61-70
I do not feel the man should always pay, even after the relationship gets serious. I have found men to be offended when I offer to pay so I usually devise an invitation that eases their mind.

Male - Age Range: 21-30
The first few dates that I have been on after meeting the lady, I try to pay, once in a while she would let me, however, we usually split the cost of dinner and/or movie and pay for our own individual prices. After a while, things become more friendship-based than just 'meeting' each other for the first few times, I try to pay and she would let me pay. Once in a while, I get a 'break' and she would pay for it, but it doesn't always happen like this, usually though.
It's not that we discuss it or that we have this sudden light bulb over our heads, it's just common courtesy that the male pays...usually, the male gets paid more in the American society (though I have dated women who have more money available than I do, however, I pay as much as possible as many times as possible).

energ: Male - Age Range: 31-40
You may use my alias

As a man, I have no problem with a woman paying for me if she wants to - as a matter of fact, I like that. I do have a problem with her expecting me to pay for everything because I am a man and she is a woman - I feel used. If you are just friends, paying should be the same as with friends of your same sex. If on a date, then the person asking should pay. If in a commitment, then start communicating on who is paying for what ahead of time. Money doesn't have to be such a big issue, or a relationship maker or breaker, but too many times it is due to unspoken beliefs, insecurities, and expectations.

Male - Age Range: 31-40
Today women have as much or more money than men. Both should pay. If she is from a poor country I would pay. This should answers the before and after the relationship gets serious and travel expenses.

While there the host is suppose to pay for meal expenses. There may be exeptions for all these rules but never based on gender because as I said women have their own money today, they aren't housewives anymore in countries like USA. SAD TO SAY!!!

Yes, only a very wealthy man can have his woman at home with the children as a housewife while he works outside and provide for all. Both work outside today to survive with one or hardly two kids! This isn't God's plan! SAD TO SAY!!!

BBAA: Male - Age Range: 41-50
From BBAA (you may use my alias)
If I invite a women out I should pay. If she invites me out she should pay. But if the situation would pose a hardship on either person, for me, I would gladly pay. I ran out a money after taking a young lady to a carnival. I was afraid to tell and embarassed. But I told her, and I liked her more for not getting upset. We had other dates after that.

Blueeyes625: Male - Age Range: 41-50
**You May Use My Alias**

It depends on who is doing the asking! Most generally the man pays, but if the lady makes the invitation, then she should be expected to pay. I personally feel funny about that as I'm used to paying, yet I also have to learn to allow myself to be blessed by someone so the Lord can bless the one who blesses me! If a dutch treat is expected, BOTH parties need to know that in advance. There is nothing worse than for someone to be under the impression that the meal or date is being taken care of by the other person, only for that other person to ask for seperate checks! That can only lead to bad feelings and embarrassment.

Male - Age Range: 41-50
The man should pay for some things and other things both can share. This can be the same once the relationship gets serious.
For travelling to meet the other usually you pay for it yourself unless you both have decided to share in the expense. I know I have always paid my own way to go and meet someone. Once there they usually take care of most of the expenses for food. Sure I will pay for things and even when I take her out I will pay or share the expense. I guess it depends on the two of you who pays the most for expenses. I know some are only on a fixed income while others have a good income and usually they are more likely to help with any added expenses. The host usually takes care of the meals especially while at their home and then one or both can share the restaurant meals. Usually you discuss this before you go to meet someone.


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