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Is it OK to date someone you'd never marry?

Description: Is it Christian to date someone when you don't feel the person is someone you would wish to marry?

Categories: Dating, Pen Pals, Friends: Cyber Dating, Member Surveys, Relationships: Singles
This Post has been viewed 22678 times.
Submitted by: Nannette | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 3/6/2003

Is it Christian to date someone when you don't feel the person is someone you would wish to marry?


Female - Age Range: 18-20
If you can not see yourself in a long term relationship,,(and i know its hard,,but a marriage ) then there is no point in dating or leading someone on. This can only be disasterous and will only be confusing and hurtful, even if its not intended.

Female - Age Range: 18-20
Yes I think so

Female - Age Range: 21-30
You have to date allot of people before you find the right one to marry and you most certainally are not going to marry every person you date. Are you?

Female - Age Range: 21-30
Yes, i believe we can. As long as our reasons are not selfish and destructive. By nature we are sociable beings, and dating (reasonably) can only sharpen our interpersonal skills. As well as broaden our prospects. A friendship beyond comprehension could be cultivated as a by-product of dating. This is why i believe God would love for us to trust Him more with our future (mate) as He is the best selector of such. If we did, we would be less concerned when we go on dates or meet the opposite sex...i know.

ChibiGirl: Female - Age Range: 21-30
You may use my alias...

I wouldn't classify it as being 'non-Christian' rather it is inconsiderate. What is the sense in staying with someone that you would never marry? So you don't have to be alone until you find that 'perfect someone'? That is not right, nor is it fair to the other person. It's dishonest...so then I guess you would say it IS NOT something a Christian should do... hence it is sin to lie..

Female - Age Range: 31-40
If you're upfront with the person about it and they're okay with it that's fine. However, I think its a waste of time for both if one is sure that the other is someone they wouldn't want to marry. To go on casual dates with a friend of the opposite sex is okay as long as you're both honest and upfront with each other.

anerol: Female - Age Range: 31-40
You may use my alias.

The Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12) gives us insight into what we should do in situations that don't seem so easy to answer with just 'yes' or 'no'. How would I want to be treated if I were the other person? The problem is stopping to think of this question, rather than being carried away by feelings or unmet needs.

We all need companionship even before we meet the right person to marry. But a blind date is not the best answer to the need for companionship. And definitely no misrepresentation is Christian. 'A person shouldn't trick his neighbour and then say, 'I was just joking!' That is like a madman shooting deadly, burning arrows.' see Prov. 26:18-19

It doesn't look Christian to me to raise someone's hopes and back off when it's more convenient to do so. In the long run it has more disadvantages than advantages for both parties involved.

On the other side, I don't think is totally wrong to go out with a friend of the opposite gender, in public places, not secluded ones, keep clear boundaries, and let the 'date' know where you stand, i.e., make sure it's being understood to be a 'just friends' deal. Better yet is to have a group of three or more for socializing, in order to avoid the 'appearance' of a romantic interest, and to avoid being drawn into a romantic relationship you don't think is right for you. It's easier and better to say 'no' to ourselves and others, earlier than later, if we need to. (Prov. 4:23-27)

Female - Age Range: 31-40
NO, I do not feel that it is right to date a person that you know that you will not marry. Why invest the time or energy in a person with whom you would not want in your future. Plus someone feelings might get hurt, or you just might miss out on your Mr. or Mrs Right.

asappush: Female - Age Range: 31-40
You may use my alias

No, I do not believe that it is Christian to date someone that you do not have the feelings for that lead to marriage. It is misleading and hurtful. It does not set a good example to others. Plus, it may prevent or delay meeting the ONE that GOD has intended.

Female - Age Range: 31-40
Dont wst time if th relationship has no productive future.

Female - Age Range: 31-40
NO. I believe that by the time one is looking for a marriage partner or even when younger, what is the point? Just for 'dating sake'? That is wrong! I believe in only developing a serious friendship and dating someone with whom I could possibly see myself marrying. The Christian qualities and lifestyle that are important to me should be present in the other person.

Female - Age Range: 31-40
No, the answer to the question is no, is not honest, no christian and not kind. Yet………..and yes, there is a but in this. If I start to communicate with someone and I feel is going somewhere I don’t feel I belong, feel like it, appreciate the meaning of it…………I try, in a Christian, honest, upfront, and friendly way to communicate in an effort to maintain the friendship and trust. Why? Simple………..yes, no so simple for some but …………….don’t we treat others the way we will like to be treated? Is all about been honest, and follow the golden rules!!!!!!!!! Be honest and sooner then later! And you find a friend for life in me!!! After all, in time, we might find a treasure hidden in each other!!! I cant even think in not saying anything if I realize that ‘the other person’ is thinking, feeling, going, somewhere I’m not ready, there or even think in going along………..after all, I hope we all have the conscience to be the best we can………..to each other! We owe this to ourselves, our families, others and most of all... to God for allowing us to met others along the way! Built reassuring relashionships instead of hurting, been supportive instead of ‘just have fun’ at expense of others……….Don’t bread a heart………and expect to get a gift for doing that!!! Is evil.

Female - Age Range: 31-40
I don't think it's appropriate to date someone if you don't think marriage with them is a possibility. It just isn't fair to mislead the other person into thinking the relationship may go further than you're willing to take it. If two people really like each other as friends, but have no desire to pursue a romantic relationship, they can openly agree on this and of course they can still do things together as friends and enjoy one another's company.

1Honest40: Female - Age Range: 31-40
You may use my alias.
If I 'don't feel', means that I have already had some impression about him or her. This case: NO, as it can be misleading very much for the other person who might weave dreams why I date him or her. And meantime he or she can miss maybe a more potential person (saying no to another one). I think both parties should ask the Lord's guidance in going to a date and if they feel that no, they must tell each other on a polite way. It is sad that sometimes people just use others to fill the space in their life till they find a better one (indifferent that it is a real date or a cyber-date). Those have to think if they wanted to be a subject of such an act. Remember Mt 7:12.

albedo: Female - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias.

I think it is important to build good relationships wherever you go. As Christians, we are to be sincere at all times, gentle and considerate. The world is rough enough, we don’t need to be, or encourage that in each other. It may take a short period of time in communication, e-mails or talking on the phone to know if this one you have some interest in truly is a possible mate. Once it becomes clear that there are issues you are tempted to change in the other person or are just not comfortable with the idea of living with, it would be kinder to change the direction of the relationship as early as possible, than to string them along until you just can’t stand it any more, or find someone ‘better’.

Be clear that you value them and their friendship, but that you feel it would be best to change the direction of the relationship because you would not want to hurt them. I don’t think we should be going into relationships thinking we are looking for “dates” anyway. We are looking for friendships, one of which we will commit to being a friend to for always and through all things, to eternity, by the grace of God!

God bless each of you in your search. Befriend all ... we are going to be living together for a very long time!

vibealive: Female - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias. Absolutely not.

Female - Age Range: 41-50
I believe it is not fair to the other person. The reason I say this is that if you know that you do not love this person enough to marry them you are deciving them and probably allowing them to fall in love with you and making them believe that you will marry them. And you dont even have to have spoken about it. But the fact that you are seen them and dating is an implication that it might happen. I belive if you know in your heart that this is not the person and you continue dating because selfishly you dont want to be alone and are waiting to find someone who you would marry is not Christian at all.

Female - Age Range: 41-50
Yes, I think it is appropriate. As long as you are not engaging in sexual activity it is a way to provide companionship, explore what qualitites and traits you can bend to without breaking and meet new people.
There is also the opportunity to read, pray and study together. Socialization is a basic human need, dating is one way of fulfilling that need.

Female - Age Range: 41-50
Hello,
I believe it is morally wrong to do so, fully well knowing you don't care for the person in that manner.
I was dating someone for many months who led me to believe his intentions were for a future marriage with someone...especially early on. He continued to meet women on singles sites and leads them to believe the same thing. Be careful of vague and inconsistent answers.
Remember, if the actions don't match the words...and you are hoping to find a life partner in earnest...do not stay with that person. Leave quickly and ask The Lord to send you the one who WILL love you in that way....in honesty and according to God's ways.
Just a reminder ladies..be very careful and prayerful
God bless You in your search.


shofardancer: Female - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias...

As long as you are 'up front' with the person in letting them know that you are only interested in being 'friends,' then you leave it up to them to decide on whether they wish to continue in the relationship or not. There are several I have met on different Christian Singles sites that I would not wish to marry...as they don't meet my criteria (eithere too young, etc.), but that hasn't stopped us from being friends or 'chatting' on a regular basis. The fact that they know I am not maritally interested in them, does not bother them...and shouldn't since they have also listed on their profiles that they are not just marriage minded, but also looking for friends. If you don't start out building a friendship first, and marry someone, then when the hormonal feelngs lag...what do you have left? But if you marry your friend, then when you 'don't feel loving towards them anymore' you still have something in common to draw upon. (I've seen marriages of both kinds...and 20 and 50 years later, the ones who were 'friends' have a better relationship.)

However, I would never date someone, just to get to go out to eat or as the means to go to some event I wanted to enjoy. That isn't fair to the other person.

pearl2: Female - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias 'pearl2'

My thoughts on whether or not it is christian to date someone when a individual feels the person isn't a marriage match is this; Unless it is a mutual consensus, and the parties want to date for friendship reasons nothing is unchristian about that arrangement. However, the danger of unchristian behavior comes into place when a party is led to believe contrary to the true nature of their consented relationship without being informed by the partner whose feelings has changed, and continues as if nothing had changed.

phnx: Female - Age Range: 51-60
You may use my alias-phnx
I believe it is wrong to date someone you are not interested in marrying. I think church socials and group type dating would be appropriate. But when you go out with just one person at a time one or both tend to get too close. Then somebody will get hurt. It is better to maintain a friend relationship until you feel that you are interested enough to pursue dating. Dating to me is the time you spend getting aquainted. It is a preparation for marriage. If at some point you feel you should no longer date, hopefully you can stay friends. You should be open and honest to your date about why you are dating (either marriage or friendship). That would relieve at least one stress point for some people. It would be beneficial to iron these things out before you date. I quess my age has something to do with my opinion. I would rather talk on the phone, visit at church, etc. as a friendship. If I felt we were getting close I could see dating. Otherwise it would be a waste of my time and theirs. I would feel quilty, like I was using someone if I went on a date just so I could get a free meal or a movie. In my heart I would not feel right about dating someone that I did not think could be a potential marriage partner. Maybe that is just me. I am curious to read the responses of other members.

Female - Age Range: 51-60
If you know the person is not someone you wish to marry, you should make your feelings known clearly to the other person. Then, if you wish to go someplace with that other person, or if they invite you somewhere, only go if there is one more person going with you. Or, you could go in a larger group, but not an obvious group of couples. The point to make is that you enjoy the other person's company but do not consider him/her a date.

Female - Age Range: 51-60
In this situation man or women need to be honest with themselves first and with other and let them know how they fell and what are there intentions. Otherwise it becomes a relationship that is not formed on truth, they are wasting each others time, and one of them may be raising foals hope in the other. That kind of relationship is not Christian like, individual will not experience blessings, and joy in that kind of relationship. uhope4

Female - Age Range: 51-60
How would you know that you don't wish to marry a person until you date them long enough to really get to know them? Then if you BOTH decide that you would rather just be friends, it's nice to have someone to do things with if you enjoy their company.
This is the opinion of an older person who really does not expect to marry again. But,I'm not dead yet, and I still like to socialize with a friend, so dating without expectations of marriage sounds fine to me.

Female - Age Range: 71 plus
The first thing to consider is if you are both the same kind of Christian - belong to the same denomination.
How can you tell if s/he were someone that you would not wish to marry? If it were someone that you already know, then you can judge that person. But, if it is someone that you do not know, would it not be better to give the person a chance to show who they are and what they stand for before locking them out completely?
If someone shows an interest and asks you out, unless you feel a complete revulsion for the person, what harm will there be in accepting an invitation to go on a date? How many people propose after the first date? Given half a chance, a person could change their mind and find that there could be an appeal to want to get to know a person better that could lead to marriage.
If you do not feel that there could be a connection after a date or two, back out gracefully and go on with your life.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Male - Age Range: 21-30
Definitely not Christian,

I'm in that situation... in the beginning I told the person I thought we wouldn't work out, yet I wasn't strong enough to totally close the door and my friend just wouldn't take no for an answer. Now, we've been going out for a long time, and this person thinks we've got something good, when... surprise! Here I am looking for someone else! So that makes me... a liar, huh? However you see it, there will be a lot of pain and I think God's really gonna talk to me about this situation!

Male - Age Range: 31-40
i don't think it's Christian or non-Christian. It's a matter of choice. What is your purpose in dating? If it's to find someone to marry, then it's pointless to date someone you don't want to marry. If the point is to just have fun, then why not--I think you should be up-front with someone about that though.

Male - Age Range: 31-40
Faithfullboy. You can use my alias.

NO. If dating means romance you are lying to yourself and to the other person. Christians have the highest purposes.

Male - Age Range: 41-50
Dating is a third step in deciding if you might want to possibly marry someone.

the first stage is mutual attraction
where you decide the other person looks nice,
then you should start going out in group settings
so you can get to know eachother without making a commitment and with less danger of compromising your values.

then after you get to know someone and have decided you might want to have a relationship, then you can start seeing them exclusively.

i almost agree with planned chaperonage until are married, especially when you are engaged and temptation is at its highest

Blueeyes625: Male - Age Range: 41-50
**You may use my alias**


I do not think it is unchristian to go out with someone that you know will not be a future mate. I do believe it is wrong to romance someone that you know will not be a future mate. I think it sends the wrong message to the other person. Communication is key, and there has to be an understanding between BOTH parties if this is going to be the case. I've gone out with women that I knew would not turn into anything more than just two people going out. And, in most cases, a mutual understanding was reached. Yes, I have learned from past mistakes in this area. Key here is that BOTH parties must have a mutual understanding. However, hugging, other than just a friendship type hug, and kissing should be left out of that kind of arrangement. Sometimes, you just may find down the road that this IS the person God has for you. I believe that men and women CAN have a friendship that does not lead to romance, and they can go out to dinner and a movie, or whatever, and each pay their own way, or sometimes, one decides to bless the other and pay their way too. And this can work both ways. Now, if the man or woman finds a romantic interest outside of their friendship, you have something else to work out, and I see no 'one size fits all' answer here. Whatever happens must be agreed upon by all involved. I personally see no problem with a man and woman maintaining a friendship when one or both are romantically involved with someone else, but discretion and communication again should be the order of the day. I understand that some men and women would feel threatened if their loved one has a friendship with someone of the opposite gender because a past love or spouse may have cheated on them. And yet, others may not have a problem with this male/female friendship. This is something to be worked out by those involved, but I will say this...if it looks bad to others, don't do it. If the male/female friends are doing things together and leaving their romantic interest out, then that is sending a bad message! I can see where this kind of friendship can lead to all kinds of problems, but being open and honest with all involved is very important. And, to close, prayer never hurt anything. If you have questions on this, ask the Lord to show you the answer!

Blueeyes625

Guapo2000: Male - Age Range: 71 plus
'You may use my alias'

Of course it is good to date anyone, and that would include a person you don't feel would be one you would marry. What are friends for, to ignore and not go places with?

I do shy away from those that have some habits or mannerisms I just can't stand, not only because I feel I would or would not want to marry them... I just don't want to be around them in any circumstance or event if I can help it. I hold my breath when I have to pass a person on the street who is smoking... that, or go to the other side of the street. Of course if she is cute, I might take another look, but I would not even want to date her, much less have thoughts of marriage. But then, again, she might quit too!

You may be dating a person who you are 'sure' you don't want to marry, but through her acquaintance you could meet a friend or relative of hers who you would become very interested in. And, after all, aren't we all going to be together in heaven where there is no marriage but still will be having a perfect fellowship one day? 1 Tim 4:9-11, Mat 22:30, Phi 2:10, Rom 14:11, Isa 45:23, Act 2:21, 1 Thes 4:16.

Marriage is only for this earthly life. If we can join with another for this brief time and share ourselves with each other, let's do it.


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